mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
