Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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