Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
