I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
