did you get engaged???
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
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