those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
