it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
