I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
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