Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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