All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
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