Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
