Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
