I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
