he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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