i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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