I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
