my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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