Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize