So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
