i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize