I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize