do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
3 2 1 whiskey
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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