i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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