My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
