Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
