I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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