how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I party with great urgency now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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