I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
