so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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