dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
