haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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