cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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