so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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