Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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