I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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