yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
