we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
People with herpes should wear stickers.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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