he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
