Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
