dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize