oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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