there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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