Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
