he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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