apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
