me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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