you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
