I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
