Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize