haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
