here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
