Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
