Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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