I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
