bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
