yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
this just has baby written all over it
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
