You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
