i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
