Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
