so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
