My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize