i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
