i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Buhtt sex?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize