Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize