So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize