they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
