Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
