i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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